Start with the basics—then build your plan
You make better choices when you know the terms. Legal custody covers major decisions (health, education, religion). Physical custody covers where your child lives. Courts may award joint or sole versions of either. For a deeper primer, read Types of Child Custody in Virginia. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
How judges actually decide custody (and how you prepare)
Judges use Virginia’s best-interests factors to evaluate every case. So, you should speak to each factor with real evidence: your child’s needs, each parent’s role and capacity, co-parenting behavior, any abuse history, and a mature child’s preference. For a factor-by-factor walkthrough, see What Judges Really Look at in Virginia Custody Cases. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
Next, match your proof to those factors. Bring school records, medical notes, activity calendars, and communications that show stability and cooperation. For a concrete checklist of documents that help, review Types of Evidence in a Child Custody Case. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
Already have an order? Here’s when you can change it
If your situation shifts, you can ask the court to modify custody. You must show a material change in circumstances and a child-focused plan that improves things. For example, repeated denial of parenting time, new school or therapy needs, relocation proposals, or safety concerns often qualify. If you need a refresher on the custody framework while you plan a modification, skim our Child Custody overview. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
While your case moves: ask for temporary (pendente lite) orders
You don’t need to wait for final judgment to stabilize your child’s routine. You can request pendente lite orders for temporary custody and visitation so everyone follows clear rules. Then you can focus on long-term resolution instead of day-to-day skirmishes. For related strategy during separation, read Are Separation Agreements Required in Virginia? (they aren’t—but they often help). (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
Safety first: use emergency protections when you need them
If abuse threatens your family, act quickly. You can seek a protective order that sets temporary custody and visitation terms while you secure counseling and follow recommended services. Our Family Law page outlines how our team handles protective orders alongside custody work. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
Bust the myths that fuel fear
Myth: “Young kids always go with Mom.”
Truth: Judges don’t favor either parent. They apply the best-interests test to both. For context on how legal and physical custody really work, see Types of Child Custody in Virginia. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
Myth: “If I move for work, I’ll lose custody.”
Truth: Relocation cases turn on details. You need a child-centered plan for housing, school, travel, and preserving the other parent’s time. Start with the Child Custody overview, then tailor your evidence. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
Myth: “The other parent violates the order, so I can withhold visits.”
Truth: Don’t self-help. Document every issue and file for enforcement or modification. To show the court why your approach protects the child, organize the proof described in Types of Evidence in a Child Custody Case. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
What judges want to see—so you show it
Stability and consistency. Keep school, health, and activity routines steady. Then bring logs, attendance, and portals to prove it. For a judge’s-eye view, read What Judges Really Look at in Virginia Custody Cases. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
Support for the other parent-child bond. Encourage calls, share updates, and offer make-up time when schedules wobble. Judges notice cooperation.
Civil, organized communication. Use tools like OurFamilyWizard® or TalkingParents. Set a 24-hour reply rule. Keep a calm, child-focused tone.
Solutions, not ultimatums. Propose neutral exchange sites, detailed holiday plans, and regular video contact when necessary.
Practical do’s and don’ts (bookmark this)
Do
- Follow the current order precisely and arrive on time.
- Track exchanges, missed visits, teacher messages, and medical notes.
- Offer reasonable make-up time and concrete alternatives.
- Coordinate with providers so neutral third parties can document progress.
Don’t
- Withhold parenting time without a court order or urgent safety advice from counsel.
- Vent on social media or send hostile messages. Screenshots tell stories.
- Rely on verbal side deals. Put changes in writing and file a consent order.
For more nuts-and-bolts guidance during separation, see Separation Agreements. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
Special situations that deserve extra planning
Relocation. Lead with stability: new schools, childcare, housing, travel schedules, and cost-sharing. Then show how you’ll preserve generous time with the other parent. The Child Custody page can anchor your outline. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
New partners. Introduce gradually, align on household rules, and keep adult conflict out of earshot.
School or therapy changes. Coordinate with the other parent and your providers. Bring letters that explain needs and progress, as described in Types of Evidence in a Child Custody Case. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
Virginia custody checklist (print and use)
- □ Save the current order; sync your calendar.
- □ Download attendance, grades, and portal messages monthly.
- □ File medical and therapy records by date.
- □ Use a co-parenting app; reply within 24 hours.
- □ Line up transportation and a back-up caregiver.
- □ Send holiday and summer proposals 60–90 days early.
- □ Keep a safety plan ready (contacts, shelters, attorneys).
When you want a quick refresher, open our consolidated Blog feed and scan the custody entries. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
Related reading on our site
- What Judges Really Look at in Virginia Custody Cases (deep dive on § 20-124.3 factors). (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
- Types of Child Custody in Virginia (clear definitions with examples). (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
- Types of Evidence in a Child Custody Case (documents and proof that persuade). (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
- Child Custody (service overview and answers to common questions). (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
- Are Separation Agreements Required in Virginia? (how agreements support custody stability). (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
- How Is Spousal Support Determined in Virginia? (often relevant in parallel cases). (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
When to call a Virginia family law attorney
Reach out early if you face repeated denial of parenting time, relocation plans, school changes, substance concerns, domestic violence, or a new custody filing. We’ll map your facts to the best-interests factors, pursue temporary relief when needed, and build the evidence that supports your child’s stability. To meet the team and see how we handle custody, visit our Family Law page. (Collins Family Law P.C. –)
Bottom line
You don’t control everything—but you control your plan. Focus on stability, cooperation, and documentation. Then use the court process—not conflict—to protect your child’s best interests.