A custody order is not merely a suggestion. Once a Virginia court enters an order establishing custody and visitation, both parents are expected to follow it.
Unfortunately, having an order does not always prevent conflict. A parent may refuse to bring the child to an exchange, repeatedly arrive late, interfere with telephone contact, make major decisions without consulting the other parent, or keep the child beyond the time permitted by the order.
When that happens, it can be frustrating and upsetting—especially when the violations interfere with your relationship with your child. Although every situation is different, Virginia courts have several ways to address a parent’s failure to follow a custody order.
What Counts as a Custody Order Violation?
Whether an action violates your custody order depends on the exact language of the order. Common examples may include:
- Refusing to turn over the child for scheduled parenting time
- Keeping the child past the required return time
- Repeatedly arriving substantially late for exchanges
- Taking the child out of state in violation of the order
- Denying court-ordered telephone or video contact
- Scheduling activities that regularly interfere with the other parent’s time
- Failing to provide required travel information
- Making major medical, educational, or religious decisions without consulting the other parent when the parties share legal custody
Before assuming that a violation occurred, read the entire order carefully. Some orders contain exceptions, notice requirements, or language allowing the parents to make changes by mutual agreement.
A disagreement about what is fair is not necessarily the same as a violation. The court will generally look at what the written order requires and whether the parent intentionally failed to comply.
For more information about the distinction between legal and physical custody, read our guide to the types of child custody in Virginia.
Start by Documenting What Happened
Good documentation can make a significant difference if the problem eventually has to be addressed in court.
Keep a record that includes:
- The date and time of each violation
- The specific provision of the order that was not followed
- What happened before, during, and after the violation
- Messages exchanged between the parents
- How long the child was withheld or how much parenting time was missed
- Any witnesses who observed the incident
Save relevant emails, text messages, co-parenting app communications, photographs, school records, travel records, and other documents. Keep the original messages whenever possible rather than relying only on cropped screenshots.
Your documentation should be factual. Avoid writing a long emotional narrative or assigning motives that you cannot prove. A simple record is often more helpful:
“I arrived at the exchange location at 6:00 p.m. as required by paragraph 12 of the order. I waited until 6:40 p.m. The other parent did not arrive and sent a message at 6:25 p.m. stating that the child would not be coming.”
Should You Contact the Other Parent?
In some situations, a calm written message may resolve the problem without court involvement.
You might identify the provision of the order, explain what occurred, and ask the other parent to follow the schedule going forward. When appropriate, you can also request reasonable make-up parenting time.
For example:
“The custody order provides that my parenting time begins at 5:00 p.m. on Fridays. I was not able to exercise that time last Friday. Please confirm that we will follow the ordered schedule this week and let me know whether I can have make-up time on Sunday.”
Keep the message brief, neutral, and focused on the child. Do not threaten the other parent, insult them, or send a stream of angry messages.
There are also situations in which direct communication may not be safe or productive, particularly when there has been domestic violence, threatening behavior, or a history of severe conflict. In those circumstances, speak with an attorney about the safest way to proceed.
Do Not Retaliate by Violating the Order Yourself
One of the most important things you can do is continue following the order on your end.
If the other parent denies your visitation, that generally does not give you permission to withhold the child during the other parent’s next scheduled period. Likewise, unpaid child support does not ordinarily allow a parent to deny court-ordered visitation.
Child support and parenting time are separate legal obligations. Using one to punish a violation of the other can create additional problems and may weaken your position in court.
Even when you believe the other parent is acting unfairly, avoid taking matters into your own hands. Use the legal process to address the violation.
Can You File a Motion to Enforce the Custody Order?
A parent may ask the court to enforce an existing custody or visitation order. The appropriate filing and procedure will depend on the court that entered the order and the relief being requested.
In many cases, a parent may file a motion or petition asking the court to require compliance. The court may direct the parties to follow the existing schedule, add additional terms, or consider other relief designed to address the problem.
Enforcement may be appropriate when the violation is significant or when informal efforts have failed.
Can the Other Parent Be Held in Contempt?
A court may use contempt proceedings to address the willful violation of a clear court order.
This is commonly initiated through a motion for a rule to show cause. The accused parent is given notice and an opportunity to appear in court and explain why the order was not followed.
To prove contempt, it is generally important to establish that:
- A valid court order existed;
- The parent knew about the order;
- The order clearly required or prohibited certain conduct; and
- The parent intentionally failed to comply.
Not every mistake will result in a finding of contempt. A judge may consider whether the language of the order was clear, whether the violation was intentional, whether compliance was possible, and whether the parent had a legitimate explanation.
For example, an unavoidable delay caused by a true emergency may be treated differently from repeatedly refusing exchanges because a parent does not like the schedule.
Depending on the facts and the type of proceeding, the court may order compliance, impose conditions designed to address the violation, award make-up parenting time, or consider other sanctions permitted by law.
Can the Court Award Make-Up Parenting Time?
A parent who has been wrongfully denied time may ask the court for make-up parenting time.
Whether it is awarded—and how much—is within the court’s discretion. The court will consider the circumstances, the terms of the existing order, and the child’s best interests.
Make-up time may be particularly appropriate when one parent has lost a meaningful block of parenting time, such as a holiday, vacation, or several consecutive weekends.
Avoid arranging make-up time unilaterally. Unless the other parent agrees, changing the schedule on your own may create another alleged violation.
Can Repeated Violations Lead to a Change in Custody?
A single violation does not automatically result in a change of custody. However, repeated or serious violations may become relevant in a future request to modify custody or visitation.
Virginia courts decide custody matters based on the child’s best interests. One factor is each parent’s willingness to support the child’s relationship with the other parent when appropriate. A pattern of obstructing parenting time, refusing to communicate, or disregarding court orders may affect the court’s assessment of that parent.
To modify an existing custody order, the parent seeking the change ordinarily must show:
- A material change in circumstances since the most recent order; and
- That the requested modification is in the child’s best interests.
A modification case is different from an enforcement case. Enforcement asks the court to require compliance with the current order. Modification asks the court to change the order itself. Depending on the circumstances, a parent may need to pursue one or both forms of relief.
You can learn more about how Virginia courts approach these cases in our article, “I’m Scared of Losing Custody”: What Virginia Parents Should Know.
What If the Other Parent Takes or Keeps the Child Outside Virginia?
Cases involving the removal or withholding of a child across state lines can require immediate legal attention.
Virginia law makes certain clear and significant violations of custody or visitation orders criminal offenses. Knowingly, wrongfully, and intentionally withholding a child outside Virginia in a clear and significant violation of an order can carry particularly serious consequences.
Interstate cases may also involve the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act, commonly called the UCCJEA. That law establishes procedures for recognizing and enforcing custody orders across state lines.
If you believe the other parent intends to leave Virginia in violation of an order, refuses to return the child, or has concealed the child’s location, contact a Virginia custody attorney promptly. If you believe the child is in immediate danger, contact law enforcement.
Routine scheduling disagreements, however, are generally not treated the same way as an abduction or emergency. An attorney can help you determine the appropriate response.
What If the Child Refuses to Go?
A parent may say, “The child did not want to go, so I could not make them.”
The child’s age, maturity, behavior, and the circumstances surrounding the refusal can all matter. A teenager’s refusal may present different practical issues than a young child’s reluctance at an exchange.
Still, a parent generally should not simply treat the child’s preference as permission to disregard the order. Courts may examine whether the parent made reasonable efforts to encourage compliance or instead contributed to the child’s refusal.
Parents should avoid discussing litigation with the child, asking the child to choose sides, or placing responsibility for the schedule on the child. If refusal becomes a recurring issue, legal guidance, counseling, or a modification request may be appropriate.
When Should You Speak With a Virginia Custody Attorney?
Consider obtaining legal advice when:
- The other parent repeatedly denies your parenting time
- The child has been withheld for an extended period
- The violations involve safety concerns
- The other parent has taken or threatened to take the child out of state
- The order is unclear or difficult to enforce
- The other parent is making unilateral decisions despite joint legal custody
- You have been accused of violating the order
- Informal efforts have not resolved the problem
- You believe the custody arrangement may need to be modified
An attorney can review the language of your order, evaluate your documentation, explain the available enforcement options, and help you choose a response that is proportionate to the situation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I call the police if my ex refuses to return my child?
You may contact law enforcement when you believe the child is in danger, has been abducted, or is being withheld in a serious violation of an order. However, law enforcement may view ordinary custody and exchange disputes as civil matters. The appropriate response depends heavily on the circumstances and the language of the order.
Can I stop paying child support if I am being denied visitation?
No. Child support and visitation are separate legal obligations. Continue complying with the support order and pursue enforcement of your parenting time through the proper legal process.
Can I keep my child longer to make up for time my ex denied me?
Not without the other parent’s agreement or court authorization. Unilaterally extending your time may place you in violation of the same order you are trying to enforce.
Will my ex automatically lose custody for violating the order?
No. A violation does not automatically change custody. However, serious or repeated violations may be relevant to contempt, enforcement, or a future custody-modification case.
What if our custody order is too vague to enforce?
If the order does not clearly address exchange times, locations, transportation, holidays, communication, or other recurring issues, you may need to ask the court to modify it. Clearer terms can reduce future conflict and make enforcement easier.
Get Help Enforcing a Virginia Custody Order
You should not have to navigate repeated violations of a custody order on your own. At Collins Family Law, P.C., we help parents understand their custody orders, evaluate violations, and determine whether negotiation, enforcement, contempt proceedings, or modification may be appropriate.
Our attorneys represent clients in Manassas, Prince William County, Fairfax County, Fauquier County, Culpeper County, Stafford County, Fredericksburg, and throughout Northern Virginia.
To discuss your situation with a Virginia child custody attorney, contact Collins Family Law, P.C. to schedule a consultation.
This article provides general information about Virginia law and is not legal advice. Reading this article does not create an attorney-client relationship.